Obviously, the best way to start off a blog is to celebrate introversion

I like to frequent various places on the internet, and because I like to frequent these places on the internet, people have called me some bad terms. I’ve been a “shut-in,” a “nerd,” a “loser,” a “computer geek,” “shy,” “afraid to meet people,” and even “in denial” that I’m “afraid to meet people”, and the list just continues and continues, getting into some really nasty terms involving my mother, shoes, and acts best reserved for birds and bees (although, the interspecies implications of this might just be too shocking to mention in one note–but I digress). I guess it’s not JUST because I go on the internet that I get these wonderful kennings, because most of the times my detractors are my fellow internet message board members who realize that it’s 8:00 on a Saturday night. The difference? I have no intention of going out while they are powdering up for their latest foray into the extrovert’s universe. I suggest to my detractors, “Well, isn’t it possible to…not always want to be around people?” After all, my home and/or dorm is very cozy itself. At least, when the air is off.

This starts an explosion, a frenzy of backlash comments.

Didn’t you know that it is HUMAN NATURE to be social? After all, humans are social beings; we necessarily want, crave, and need attention. We crave someone to hear us speak, for we crave to speak.

This got me worried…what if I am this horrible subhuman entity who lacks a necessary feature of life itself? What if, all these years, I have been incomplete and believing in the wrong ideas? Should I slit my wrists now? I’m afraid my watch wouldn’t accessorize well with sanguine. Not that I would know what color goes with what, but it’s the PRINCIPLE of the matter anyway.

Most people assume that I’m wasting away, moping in a corner because I have no fwiends to see on the Friday or Saturday night. Of course, since humans are social beings, someone who is taken away from social contact is starving of a necessary foodstuff.

Here’s the thing that I guess a lot of people don’t realize…there are alternatives that are acceptable to being a social Cookie monster (and even the Cookie Monster went on a diet). I thought it would be obvious…and now it’s completely obvious to me, but when I was despairing, I didn’t realize it then. And most people I talk to do understand and can’t even comprehend what I will describe next.

So it’s time for a pretty intense lesson. People fit on a scale of extroversion and introversion. Those who are extroverted tend to revel in social contact; they get their jollies from being around people and being able to talk about things. The more, the merrier.

The other beast is the introvert. This one is highly elusive, because he prefers to be alone. He would rather contemplate, meditate, whatever you might say, do solitary activities, OR at the VERY least, spend one-on-one time instead of wasting time in a big, impersonal group.

Of course, there are those in the middle, those evil fence-sitting ambiverts, but who cares about them? Fence sitters. The Lukewarm. I know what my Bible told me about evil fence-sitters . Anyway, I think the important thing to remember is that not only do extro/introverts have an element that they prefer; they also might be adversely affected when they are out of their elements. A extrovert might be bored and irritated with being alone, while an introvert might shrink in the crowd.

Well, I couldn’t just get off the hook by explaining this difference. Someone claimed, “But it would really be much better if you tried to go out more and see people…after all, I know many people who think they prefer being alone, but then they try going out, learn to get comfortable, and then realize that it’s better to be social!”

I thought on this comment for a while and dissected it. I am not a logician (I seriously hope that’s the noun form of a logic magician…if not, too bad!) but I realized that this person used anecdotal experience to prove his point. Here’s something to get: anecdotal evidence is trash! However, it is good trash in that you can’t just deflect it by logicking it away. In fact, personal experience…even from hearsay…is VERY valid. I must admit that personal experience is the only thing I’ve got a lot of times, so it’s probably a good thing that it’s useful, credible evidence.

So I thought about what would be a good way to explain this conundrum of a person. My junior psychology degree from the University of Google was letting me down…or so I thought. I quickly transfered to the University of Wikipedia and found out another tidbit of information: shyness.

Isn’t shyness the same thing as introversion? In truth, I had always written as if they were not, but I had never completely realized what this meant. Now, I could clarify: introversion is a preference for personal space over social contact with others. It doesn’t necessarily prescribe a fear of social contact; rather, it describes a partial or complete disengagement from the pleasure of it. On the other hand, shyness doesn’t require a preference for aloneness, but it does require a fear or anxiety of social conflict.

Imagine an extrovert. He wants to go out and see the people and be one of them. But imagine that he can’t, because in some way, he’s been deterred (some might suggest bad looks, low confidence or self-esteem, having been attacked before, or something like that). In this case, this poor, poor extrovert IS being deprived of something that he needs: social contact. That is the sting of shyness.

On the other hand, imagine an introvert. He needs to be able to deal with people on the job or in the classroom. He would rather be alone, and he does enjoy being alone (a happy ending?), but when he’s at school, he must fit in accordingly. However, he instead finds himself to be in constant anxiety when around people. Argh. The shyness strikes again. It seems that the scourge can exist with or without introversion, but it seems to be negative both ways.

Back to my verbal fencing match, I parried his personal anecdote with this newfound knowledge and riposted that, once again, there is nothing wrong with being introverted. After all, let’s analyze things:

I have to meet and greet people every day, especially as part of school. I recognize that when I am on the job (I like to refer to my schooling as a job much to the chagrin of those who actually work who think I’m a snotty-nosed punk), part of my job entails me being social and sociable. I can handle this fine, I think. At least, no one yet has said to my face that I’m a backwards socially inept loser. I recognize, further, that in order to get what I need or want, it is necessary to collaborate with others to do so. So I do this when necessary as well.

However, when I go home for the day, this is free time. I should very well have the agency to do whatever I please. Especially since I’m not doing anything questionable to the law or the rights of others. So who should care if I don’t want to go out with others except for once in a blue moon?! If I already sacrifice time with others at school because I recognize that school isn’t “free time,” then don’t I at least deserve the time I DO have off to use as efficiently as I deem? I believe I am afforded that. Furthermore, I believe I am afforded one more thing: the ability to feel and act this way without being chastised by the extroverted universe for it. In my opinion, the point lands and I win the encounter.

DISCLAIMER: If you are an ambivert, fence-sitter, or lukewarm member of any organization, don’t hurt me. I really don’t think you’re evil, and I promise not to spit you out.