Approaching a familiar issue

On another message board, I heard the cry for help…someone wanted to know how he could improve his social skills. I went in the topic amused…not expecting to do anything…but the topic creator said something interesting: his own thoughts on how to improve were to pretend to be interested more.

I had to comment…If you have to pretend, then this should tell you something.

The topic creator misinterpreted what I meant (focusing on the have,) but revealed something more:

I have to pretend. i cannot honestly say that i am interested in what most people are talking about. perhaps changing my current, shitty character to something more appealing is a more suitable way to describe it

Not interested in what most people are talking about..? I took the opportunity to jump into the fray. I suggested that maybe his personality wasn’t to be an extroverted butterfly.

Sure, sure, even if you aren’t extroverted, that doesn’t mean you should be a social shutoff. You have to know the basics and you have to know the way to work the system for networking’s sake. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to prefer it. But that’s something you have to do. However, what you do in your free time should be what you want to do. That’s, I think, what introversion is about. When you are free, do you want to spend time with others…or not? If you don’t, then I don’t think you should be pressured in slaving your life away at every party or every movie or every…everything. Every everything is something you should only do if you want…because you are a free person.

Well…anyway. I was not unmatched. Immediately, someone leaped at me.

“face the fact” is a bullshit idea. Anyone can change from intro to extrovert if they’re willing to try. Your views suck.

I was unaware of which line to parry first…so I wanted to be sure that this guy was really talking about changing a core aspect of his personality. Introvert to extrovert is paramount…it’s not like changing the clothes you wear. Going to party more might be changing the way you look on the outside, but it doesn’t change how you perceive yourself on the inside. So I asked my opponent: do you really think you can change who you are deep inside?

Yes, and I have. I used to be a shy, introverted little nerd in middle school, then I stopped being stupid, realized that I was heading towards a horrible direction, and started working on change. Now I’m a senior in high school and most people that would meet me (who didn’t know me from middle school) would say i’m an extrovert.

I was still skeptical on whether he had changed his actual thought process or if he had just changed his public facade, but now his true line of attack was clear. He hated being introverted…it brought him down. So he embraced change and sought it.

Of course, as I pointed out, he also hated being shy. I always must point out that shyness is not introversion…so if this person actually hated shyness, he shouldn’t hate introversion too. I couldn’t help him, though. He was set in his mind…

All I know is, ultimately I do not want to be an introvert, because i think that introversion and shyness aren’t personality traits, they’re weaknesses that inhibit a person’s real personality.

If you believe this…then there is no question that you should change. I think that this person, however, has let his personal experiences with shyness cloud his opinion on the legitimate introversion. I…as much as anyone…will fight to always raise awareness for the fact that you can be introverted without being shy. I agree with this poster on his description of shyness, because I more often see people limited by their shyness — who want to change but feel they cannot — than I find people who are ok with it. However, I don’t say the same for introversion.

That is why I must respectfully disagree with this poster. I only what will happen with the topic creator? Will he decide that who he is is less important than a societal ideal of who he should be? Or will he decide, as the poster who opposed me did, that introversion itself can never be who he is!?