A pseudo-scientific (i.e. fake) study on depression

People seem to get one thing wrong all the time…they think that because you become from a more privileged environment, you somehow are entitled to be happier. According to them, it doesn’t make sense for middle class kids on up to be depressed or emo because, as one of the dangerous cliches reminds us, someone always has it worse than you do.

Let’s take a quote of what these guys are saying:

I guess I just don’t understand where some of you guys are coming from that you are so unhappy with your life. I really just want to sit and talk with you guys about your views on life. I have no job, no girlfriend, very few friends, am not in great shape, am not that good looking and have a slightly below average dick. But I would NEVER describe myself as depressed or unhappy. Most of you live in America and never have to go through the hardships of just surviving in a third world country. You have the power and resources within you to make yourself a successful, happy person. I am certain of this.

These guys miss the fact about depression and emo-dom that psychology and sociology have seemingly failed to realize for so long: depression arises BECAUSE of privilege, not in the absence of it.

Think about the starving children in Africa? Are they depressed? You might be tempted to say yes, but then you might realize, no, they aren’t. You don’t hear about anyone in Africa whining about starving. That is the way of life. Starving is the norm. You may recall Susan Sarandon whining about starving children in Africa, and although those children aren’t by any means happy, they aren’t sad. They don’t have enough things to be happy about to have the absence thereof. If you’ve never tasted good cheesecake, then how can you know what bad cheesecake tastes like? You just think cheesecake.

On the other hand, when you think about emos or depressed kids, you think about people from 1st world nations (or the wannabes of those nations). You immediately identify them as 1st world, middle class, etc., and this is for a fact because you look down at them for this reason…you can’t understand why anyone with so much would be depressed. I know you’re trying to say to yourself that you’re an angel and you would never pidgeonhole someone in such a way, but quit lying. This is the internet, where no one knows you’re a dog.

I used to be the same way…but then, I became enlightened…I read a little book by Pearl S. Buck called The Good Earth. I guess Academic Decathlon was trying to get me to realize all kinds of grandiose things about 20th century China, the treatment (or mis-) of women, and all that good stuff, but I found the perfect scenario for what I term the Rich Depression effect.

Wang Lung = Poor farmer. He’s not happy, but he’s not sad. He wants to move up in life. Bam. He gets some success, and his children are raised in this success. They become educated, but then…one son becomes, as Ms. Buck described it, “moody.” He begins slacking in his studies and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Sound familiar?

No, I’m not saying that all emos/depressed kids/etc., stop studying and start hanging out with the wrong crowds, but it seems there’s this trend…as you become more privileged and more educated, you keep up with the Joneses, and when you can’t, bam. Emo-dom.

I don’t know if you’ve seen any research on this (I’m pretty sure TED has covered this once or twice), but people with less are somewhat able to be happier in their stations than people with more. And, a general trend is that as people become more privileged and educated…it seems that increased happiness isn’t the natural result. I dunno. I’m not a doctor though.

So, cut out this stuff about rich kids having no justification for being depressed and emo. I have every darn right to write bloody valentines to my androgynous girlfriend on my $500 phone while wearing my sister’s designer $200 jeans.

P.S. Big congrats on Mexico. Although it’s unfortunate that it’s having major riots against emos (which I do not condone in any way), this is a clear indicator that it has emos, which means…quite simply…that now, Mexico has. Welcome to the haves, mi amigos, I think you’ll find it’s a much better crowd than the have nots!

**Disclaimer. This isn’t real science, obviously, except for the links. Depression is a complex psychological and neurological issue. Although, I’m willing to believe sooner or later, I could go somewhere with that privilege -> emo idea and make millions of buck$, so please don’t sue me or steal my ideas. Also, please don’t cut me or yourselves.

Grass = always greener?

I want to nuke that trite phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Well, ideally, as creative and original speakers of English, we all have an inborn duty (or should have) to destroy all cliches that exist in our midst…these noisome pests trounce around highly and mightily (if those shouldn’t be adverb-ized, I’m sorry…it’s too early/late/weird for proper grammarification), feeling as if a petite little maxim could sum our lives! This is an insult to our mercuriality, our diversity, our ability to be zig when others expect us to zag, our ability to defy all logic and rationality. We have the right to be insane and indefinable!

No, seriously…Maybe some people follow this motto, but I have always followed something else: I am more in tune with my own thoughts and intuitions than those of everyone else around me. I recognize that I have my problems…but they are MY problems. I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else’s, because I know how to deal with my problems…I just don’t because then I know I would face all new problems.

I do have struggles though…I have to wonder, should I believe in a greener grass theory? Should I go with what everyone else is doing or continue to do what makes sense to me and believe what makes sense to me? Everyone tries to convince me that we are a social beast with a strong herd mentality, but following the herd doesn’t make sense to me…unless there’s something else I can get from it. Cliches represent the focal point of the herd…if we are all the same (or desire to be the same), then we should be able to make very short phrases, kennings almost, to describe whole swaths of people. We essentially create stereotypes for ourselves.

It’s funny…people always ask me about who my role models are (or maybe that’s just because I do too many of those generic mock interviews where that always seems to be a question)…I can’t really answer them, because I don’t think I’m following what someone else does. I simply follow what I find in my experience to be best practices. I don’t feel an attachment to one group or another, but I feel an attachment for ideas and concepts that produce results for me. It’s so intriguing to me when I find other people who try to escape this system of conformance but who fall into a conforming of their own…as I talked about earlier, our dear sporked friend Katy.

I guess there is a method to my madness after all. Dang. Another cliche.