So…if you had a doppelganger, would you kill him or would he kill you?

You know what’s a darn shame in this world? No one knows about doppelgangers.

And if you do and you let someone else know, they’ll probably think you’re weird. They’ll probably think you’re making stuff up and that you are just one of those random kids who makes this kind of stuff up to increase the randomness entropy of the world. But you know — and love to hate — those random kids…they come from all the ‘weird’ walks of life…whether they be anime otaku weeaboo japanophiles with cat ears, those kids who constantly evoke “teh random penguin of doom” (coincidentally, ALWAYS, it’s the penguins that are random), those kids who name every inanimate object with seeming sentimental value “Bob” (coincidentally, i.o.w/s.s.v.’s are ALWAYS named Bob), the kids who have an endless supply of plastic sporks on hand, or the cousins of any such described persons.

These are the people who make it weird, awkward, and unacceptable for everyone else to know about doppelgangers (take that weird kids: Sealab 2021 isn’t “weird” even though you have nearly pidgeonholed it successfully). It makes it weird, awkward, and unacceptable for everyone else to watch Japanese animated television programs or anything by Jhonen Vasquez. These are the people who make KFC stop offering sporks. And these are the people who should be eliminated by their dopplegangers.

Don’t believe me: here is a writing sample from a “random kid”:

hi every1 im new!!!!!!!
*holds up spork*
My name is katy but you can call me t3h PeNgUIN oF d00m!!!!!!!lol…as u can see im very random!!!!thats why i came here 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^…im 13 years old(im very mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfriend (im bi if u dont like it deal w/ it) its our favorite tv show!!!bcuz its SOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they always say the more the merrier!!!!lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of friends here so give me lots of commentses!!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!<—me bein random again ^_^ hehe….toodles!!!!! love and waffles,

*~t3h PeNgUIN oF d00m~*

Katy is different. Yes. I can respect her differences. I can respect that she likes to avoid capital letters and instead exchanges them for a few extra exclamation points at the end of her sentences. I can respect (and I think people should respect) that she’s bisexual. But what about people who watch Invader Zim or who also are bisexual or who also are 13 or who also are mature for their ages or any such kind of “unique” person who now is stereotyped as also being “random?” Is there an injustice in the damage that Katy can do?

You decide. So let me ask again: if you had a doppelganger, would you kill him? Or would he kill you? Your doppelganger is a very real person…the Germans knew about this threat for a long time; that’s why they coined the word! Your doppelganger is a “ghostly double,” but when they enter this world, they become a you. A you who is not a twin. This isn’t completely true, however. Your doppelganger IS you spiritually…so it IS a twin…from another mother who is unrelated to you.

You might think it’s cool to have someone who looks just like you somewhere else in the world, but think again. These doppelgangers can change people’s perceptions of you (think about how cool it would be if you had an identical twin to switch classes for a day or something…doppelgangers do this). Unlike a possible twin, your doppelganger is your anti-you. When you meet, the soul that is shared between you must be reunited somehow. One doppelganger must kill the other and seize the fragmented soul. (That was in a movie so it must be true…)

There is one catch: if you kill…you are the evil half. If you aren’t evil, then your evil doppelganger won’t think twice about stabbing you a random ninety three thousand, nine hundred and twenty times because your body keeps twitching. With a plastic spork. Your doppelganger is the opposite of you, so it’s very possible that your doppelganger is everything you hate: he does carry sporks and she does have an imaginary pet penguin-hamster of doom named Bob. On the other hand, if you are the one with the spork addiction, then your doppelganger still is everything you hate. He submits to authority and doesn’t “understand” you; she thinks you should stop wearing mismatched socks and stop making even the Indie kids cry.

Isn’t it strange how what you are makes someone exactly like you except for that one thing…hate you? Isn’t it strange how we all have something we find deplorable? We try to be unique, but we are so easily classified. And for that, we may die. Or at least, be hated the f-star-star-star out of.

So, if you meet your doppelganger…who will die?