Too intimidating for my own good

So, ISQA reached a new high for readership (I guess that’s always good news, even if the high is less than 50, haha)…but then I learned bad news.

Since I don’t explicitly have permission to use the identity or words of the person who said this (it was not posted on the blog, so I’m not making a PRSFT from it), I’ll artfully retell the story in the form of dada drama.

THE END

Wow…the excellent thing is that that actually captures the spirit of anti-drama than the real thing would have. But if you didn’t notice, I actually did take the real thing down, because it just further served the point…it alienated people and sent the wrong message. Something interesting I’ve noticed is that quite recently (like…one day…recently), people have begun to ask me things like, “Is everything ok?” or later comment, “I hope I don’t say anything that offends you!” It’s as if somehow I’ve become too intimidating (or maybe that’s giving myself too much credibility…maybe I’ve become too fragile) for my own good. Or maybe it’s a gesture of some kind of pity or some kind of…I dunno. Whatever it is, it’s too philosophical. It sounds like it’s just for me and not for anyone else.

I guess it’s better than a different trend that began so recently (like…two days…recently)–I started receiving the most off-hand gestures or comments of ill-will, I guess I could say. I still wonder what that was all about.

Everyone who’s frank seems to tell me that I can’t communicate (and everyone who isn’t implies it in their comments). Everything I say sounds perfect to me, but always what comes out to the other person is a jumble of meanings or intentions. I really see it most in arguments–my arguments are logical and sound, or so I think, but then my opponents quickly launch a flurry of attacks on how illogical I actually am. And then I realize it myself…I realize and want to change this, but I realize I can’t change the (however erroneous) way I think because it is too far ingrained for me to even realize it. Or at least, unlike with emotions, I can’t readily realize when I am becoming illogical and then back away from that.

I am reminded of Academic Decathlon. Two years ago, I made the speech showcase, but then I realized ultimately how void my speech was of any real subject–it was great to perform and great to watch, but it didn’t approach any really important issues. The next year, I tried again, but this time, instead of going with a nonsense, humorous speech, I went for a semi-serious issue with a bit of a satirical, deadpan approach…instead of catching the hidden ridiculousness of the speech, people began to agree with my premise that schools should be able to preemptively stop fights that never happen.

The worst thing about it is that even though I should be extremely concerned about this, I am not trying anything to deliberately fix things.

I guess this time I failed at making a more approachable, less philosophical article once again. Bravo.